Terms of Service
The short version
Premier de la Classe.lol is a satirical leaderboard of startups. Your rank on it is determined by exactly one thing: how much money has been paid toward your listing. That's not a bug, it's the whole joke. We say it out loud so you never have to wonder what you're buying. The site is a parody. These Terms are not. Read them before you pay. By making a payment, you agree to everything below.
What you're buying
You are buying visibility, and nothing else. A payment displays your name (or your company's name), a one-line pitch, and a single outbound link on the board, at a position set by the total amount paid toward that listing over time. Higher total, higher spot. That is the entire product. You are renting a rung on a ladder, in public, with the price tag showing.
What you are NOT buying
You are not buying an award, a prize, a trophy, a badge of merit, or any judgment of quality. A #1 rank does not mean you're the best company, the biggest, the smartest, or worth funding. It means someone paid the most. That's it. Nothing on this board is an endorsement, a certification, a review, a ranking of real-world value, or business or investment advice of any kind. If you read it as anything more than a paid position on a satirical list, that's on you.
Not gambling, no prize, no chance
The leaderboard is fully deterministic. At any given moment, the listing with the highest cumulative total sits on top. There is no draw, no lottery, no randomness, no jackpot, and no expectation of financial gain. You pay a known amount, you get a known outcome (a position), immediately. This is not a game of chance, a sweepstakes, a wager, a raffle, or a security. Please don't treat it like one.
Pricing (USD, in $0.30 steps)
All prices are in U.S. dollars. Rank moves in increments of $0.30: that's the granularity of the whole system. To climb, you pay enough to push your listing's cumulative total above the listing ahead of you. Prices shown at checkout are what you pay. Any applicable taxes are handled at checkout where required. There's no subscription and no hidden fee: you pay, your total goes up, your rank reflects it.
Your rank can be beaten (that's the point)
We do not guarantee any position, ever, for any length of time. Buying #1 today buys you #1 today. Tomorrow someone can pay $0.30 more and bump you down, and they will, because that is exactly how the game works and exactly what everyone signed up for. Getting outranked is not a defect, a failure of the service, or grounds for a refund. It's the mechanic you paid into. Don't buy the top spot expecting to keep it for free.
Immediate delivery, refunds, and chargebacks
Your listing goes live and your rank updates the instant your payment clears. Because delivery is immediate and the position is consumed the moment it's shown, payments are final and non-refundable, non-transferable, and non-reversible, including when you later get outranked. If we do issue a refund at our discretion, or if you file a chargeback, the corresponding amount is removed from your listing's cumulative total and your rank drops accordingly. You cannot keep the position and claw back the money that bought it. Filing a chargeback for a payment that was delivered as described may also result in your listing being removed.
Content you're not allowed to post
You warrant that you own or have the rights to the name, link, and pitch you submit. You agree not to post anything unlawful, infringing, defamatory, harassing, hateful, deceptive, sexually explicit, or that impersonates or targets an identifiable private individual. No malware, no phishing, no links to any of the above. Keep it a joke about companies, not an attack on people.
Moderation and removal
We own and control the board. We can refuse, edit, or pull any listing at any time, without notice, if it breaks these rules or the law, and in that case no refund is owed for the removed listing. We may also remove or adjust listings to fix errors or abuse. If you want your own listing taken down, or you're flagging someone else's, email contact@premierdelaclasse.lol and we'll handle it promptly. Removal at your own request does not entitle you to a refund of amounts already paid.
Payments
Payments are processed in USD by Stripe. Your card details go to Stripe, not to us: no card or bank information passes through or is stored on this site. Your payment is subject to Stripe's own terms in addition to these.
Privacy, in plain English
We use cookieless, privacy-friendly analytics (DataFast / Plausible), so no tracking cookies and no ad profiles. If you opt into rank alerts, those emails are sent via Resend and every one has a one-click unsubscribe. We do not sell, rent, or trade your data, full stop. That's the whole policy in spirit; anything more specific lives in our Privacy Notice.
Provided "as is"
The service is provided "as is" and "as available," with no warranties of any kind, express or implied, including merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, uptime, or non-infringement. We don't promise the board will always be up, that your listing will last forever, or that being on it will send you a single visitor, dollar, customer, or term sheet. It's a satirical leaderboard, not a growth strategy.
Limitation of liability
To the maximum extent permitted by law, we are not liable for any indirect, incidental, special, consequential, or punitive damages, or for lost profits, revenue, data, or goodwill, arising from your use of the service. In every case, our total aggregate liability to you for any and all claims is limited to the amount you actually paid us in the three months before the claim. Some jurisdictions don't allow certain limitations, so parts of this may not apply to you.
Who runs this (operated from France)
Let's be straight about it: this service is operated from France, not the United States. It is run by MLJ, a company registered in France (French SIREN), founded by Julien Jimenez. We are not a U.S. company and we don't pretend to be one. You're buying a listing on a French-operated website that happens to be written for and priced in USD for an American audience. Contact for anything, including complaints and removal requests: contact@premierdelaclasse.lol.
Governing law
These Terms are governed by the laws of France, and the courts of France have jurisdiction over any dispute, without regard to conflict-of-laws rules. We've written these Terms in plain American English for a U.S. audience, but the governing law is French because that's where the operator sits. Nothing here strips you of any mandatory consumer-protection rights you may have under the laws of your home jurisdiction that cannot be waived by contract.
Changes to these Terms
We can update these Terms as the service evolves. When we do, we'll post the revised version here with a new effective date. Changes apply going forward, not retroactively to payments you already made. If you keep using the service after an update, that's your acceptance of the new Terms. If you don't like them, stop paying, that's always your out.